Reciprocity rules
Sales & business development is a bit like the pub. There’s always that one mate who never goes to the bar. Happy to drink your pint, nod along to your stories, maybe even pinch your crisps… but when it’s their turn to buy a round, suddenly they’ve “forgotten their wallet”.
The same thing happens in professional services. We’re brilliant at giving. Free training, introductions, free “pick your brains” calls. But when it comes to asking for something in return, most of us clam up. We don’t want to seem pushy, needy, or (heaven forbid) salesy.
The thing is, reciprocity is one of the oldest and most powerful levers of persuasion. Humans are wired to give back. If someone’s helped us, we feel a little itch until we’ve evened the score. The problem isn’t whether reciprocity works. It’s whether you’re brave enough to ask for the return pint.
Here are three practical ways to start doing it. Enjoy.
#1. The elegant ask
Charging in with “got any work for me?” is like barging into the pub and demanding free drinks. It makes people defensive. Instead, wrap your ask in curiosity and collaboration. Try:
- “I’d love your advice on how we could best position this with your colleagues.”
- “Who else in your team might benefit from this?”
- “Is there anyone you think I should meet who’s dealing with this issue?”
You’re not begging for scraps. You’re inviting them to play a role in your story.
#2. Perfect timing
Asking months after the fact is like chasing someone for that tenner you lent them in 2009. Strike when the goodwill is fresh.
- Just run a webinar? Follow up while it’s still in their head: “Glad you enjoyed it — who else might find the slides useful?”.
- Introduced them to a contact? Nudge while the introduction is still warm: “Glad that meeting went well — I’d love an intro to X if you know them.”
- Just finished a transaction and got a glowing report sheet from your key contact? Take them for dinner and ask: “Now that one’s put away, what are we working on next?”
Momentum matters.
#3. Keep a scorecard
Not every relationship is created equal. Some are worth leaning into, some are worth a polite nod at the Christmas party. To make reciprocity practical, try slotting people into three simple categories:
- Category A: Likely buyers
Those who could realistically give you work in the next 12 months. If you’re pouring pints here, you’ll probably get one back. These are your highest priority for reciprocity. - Category B: Connectors & influencers
They may not buy from you directly, but they’re great referrers or major players in your market. You’ll get value back, just indirectly — introductions, credibility, doors opened. Well worth the investment. - Category C: Nice to haves
Old contacts, friendly faces, the ones you keep on the Christmas card list. Be polite, but don’t waste precious BD energy expecting much in return. If you’re buying rounds here, you’re subsidising someone else’s evening.
Being generous is great, but being strategic is smarter. If you notice that most of your generosity is flowing to Category Cs, it might be time to rebalance.
Your round?
So this week, have a think: who owes you a pint? And when are you going to ask for it?
We’re building a team of voice enabled AI assistants to support you with BD activities and allow you to spend more time being human. Interested? We’d love to chat.
