The art of giving
A few months ago, I was in an Uber with the family after a great day out and managed to leave my phone in the chaos after arriving back at the house. However, I didn’t realise this until a knock on the door 30 mins after getting home. It was the Uber driver, who had found my phone and had driven back to ensure I got it back.
I hugged him. And then felt good about life for the rest of the evening.
In the world of professional services, where relationships are the bedrock of success, there’s one principle that stands out as both timeless and powerful: reciprocity. Giving freely—your time, insights, templates—without expecting anything in return might seem counterintuitive, but it’s a game-changer in sales and business development.
Three Things this week explains why giving is so powerful and the positive consequences it can have. Go on, give it a try. You might just find your next big opportunity is only one act of generosity away. Enjoy.
#1. Trust builder
Psychologist Robert Cialdini’s research shows that humans are hardwired to return favours. His principle of reciprocity reveals why even small acts of generosity can transform relationships.
“By obligating us to future repayment of favours, gifts, and the like, reciprocity allows one individual to give something to another with confidence that it is not being lost,”
The key point to note here is that reciprocity ≠ instant gratification. Be aware, your generosity may not be repaid for a while, or never. However, most people who are the recipient of your generosity will remember your act with positivity.
Example: with new customers you have not previously worked with, give away more than you would usually feel comfortable doing. Spend time really thinking about their requirements and offer to sit down and discuss them at length. Provide outlines, templates or checklists for free. These actions will generate two things:
- Positivity towards you/ your organisation as you are providing something of value at no charge.
- A clear demonstration of your capabilities in your chosen area that your customer will remember next time they require this type of service.
#2. Authenticity
Here’s the magic of reciprocity: it works best when you give with no strings attached. If your generosity feels transactional, customers will see right through it. Genuine acts of giving create goodwill and often yield returns in unexpected ways. As Adam Grant notes in Give and Take,
“Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the success of people around them.”
Example: jump in with both feet to help and support when your customer(s) are under pressure. Consider how you can assist particular pinch points through micro secondments or virtual support. As your customers major deadlines approach, offer to independently review work product.
#3. Be generous early
“The beauty of reciprocity is that it builds trust and relationships before the ask.” Cialdini
Generosity isn’t just feel-good fluff—it delivers real business results. Dan Ariely’s Predictably Irrational explains how “free” triggers an emotional response that builds stronger connections.
In sales and BD theory terms, your selfless acts to support a customer is a clear demonstration of your lack of self orientation in David Maister’s Trust equation which will lead to a strengthening of the trust they have in you.
Example: spend your own time thinking about your customer’s business and, in particular, how macro factors (changes in regulation, a lunatic entering the white house, increased national insurance contributions etc) might affect them going forwards. Send them a note with suggestions on how to address these challenges and offer to sit down and run them through your suggestions.
Final thought
Reciprocity is about creating genuine connections. Give without keeping score, and trust that your generosity will come back to you in surprising ways. As Cialdini says, “This is not manipulation; it’s human connection at its finest.”
So, what will you give this week? Whether it’s a resource, advice, or just a little extra time, take the leap—and see how it transforms your relationships.
