The dark arts of BD (week 3)
Week three of the Dark Arts series.
And, like Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, things are getting a bit darker… and a bit more psychological.
This week is less about obvious spells and more about influence.
Because here’s the reality: You’re working with people who are literally trained to argue.
They challenge. They probe. They push back. And if you go head-on, you’ll lose more often than you win. Or worse, you’ll win… and damage the relationship.
And let’s be honest… some meetings have all the warmth of a Dementors encounter.
So the game isn’t to “win”. It’s to guide.
Here are three ways to get to the right outcome from another bunch of very talented BD professionals… without turning it into a courtroom drama. Enjoy.
#1. Say no… without saying no
Credit: Sadie Baron – Chief Marketing Officer, TLT LLP. A powerhouse operator who has forgotten more than I’ll ever know about BD within professional services. In her own words:
Early in my career, I thought saying “no” was about having a backbone. Holding the line. Protecting the budget. Using the resource appropriately.
But when ultimately, you’re often working with a partner’s money, a straight “no” lands like a brick.
Even when you’re right.
Over time, you learn something important about how people hear “no.” Most don’t really hear the logic. They hear the rejection. The subtle implication that their idea isn’t good enough.
So instead of saying “no”, you start offering options and solutions.
- “Could we get the same outcome by shifting the spend here?”
- “What if we tried a smaller pilot first?”
- “I wonder if there’s a more efficient way to hit that goal.”
And then you let the conversation breathe. A meeting or two later, someone will say:
“I’ve been thinking … maybe we should redirect the investment and try it this way instead.”
Which, mysteriously, sounds remarkably familiar.
At that point your job is very simple. “That’s exactly the direction we should go.”
You made the right decision, and you’ve kept the relationship intact.
And you moved things forward—without ever having to say the word no.
#2. The five minutes that matter
Credit: Sam Stamp – CEO & Co-founder, Legal Engine. Superlatives cannot describe how smart this guy is. We’re all lucky that he’s around.
The formal meeting? That’s theatre.
The real conversation happens in the moments everyone else treats as dead time:
- The walk to the room – that moment of “have you met X before?” or a quick comment on the office, the journey in, or who’s dialling in… where you can build instant rapport or spot early dynamics between people
- The wait for the call to connect – where something offhand slips out about a restructure, a tricky partner, or what’s really going on internally
- The jacket-gathering moment at the end – where people relax and say what they didn’t say in the meeting
Why does this matter? Because in the formal part, everyone is performing. You’re selling. They’re evaluating. Everyone’s on script. But in those five minutes either side… the script drops.
That’s where you hear:
- What’s actually driving the decision
- What they’re worried about
- What they’ll realistically say yes to
Pick that up early enough, and you don’t need to say no later. You just shape things before they harden into “ideas”.
It’s not manipulation. It’s timing. (Alright… it’s a bit of manipulation.)
#3. Stop training. Start developing
Credit: Matt Skipper – Head of Business Development, Mills & Reeve LLP. Constantly travelling, knows the power of face to face communication, always goes above and beyond. Incredibly humble considering what he’s achieved over not one, but two careers (you’ll NEVER guess the first!)
Lawyers don’t respond particularly well to being “trained”.
“Training” feels like instruction. “Development” feels like ownership.
So instead of telling people what to do:
- Take a consultative approach
- Work closely with knowledge and L&D teams
- Focus on building capability over time
Because behaviour change doesn’t come from a one-off session. It comes from people seeing value, trying things, and refining over time. Do that well, and you won’t need to push for change.
They’ll come to you.
Chat to Tina by voice, when you’re between meetings, on the commute to/from work, or heading into something you’d rather avoid.
The punchline
If you push, lawyers push back. If you guide, they move. So, next time you’re trying to land something:
- Offer options, not ultimatums
- Use the moments others ignore
- Develop, don’t dictate
And watch how much easier it becomes to get exactly what you wanted all along.
We’re building a team of voice enabled AI assistants to support you with BD activities and allow you to spend more time being human. Interested? We’d love to chat.
